


I don’t want to live

by NekoSama09



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio Friendship, Kageyama Depression, Kageyama Tobio-centric, Slight happy end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-20 21:29:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19385008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NekoSama09/pseuds/NekoSama09
Summary: Kageyama is suffering. He doesn’t know how to save himself from the depression and just hangs on to life.





	1. Chapter 1

Was it too late to die?

Kageyama was tired; emotionally and physically. He wants to sleep. He doesn’t want to deal with his negative feelings anymore. His wish to escape this wicked world was intoxicating.

Can’t he go into a deep slumber? And never wake up?

Why was it hard to leave? What’s keeping him grounded? Maybe karasuno? Yeah, everyone at karasuno was keeping him moving. Why was Karasuno being so merciless?

They were keeping him grounded, even though he knew that no one really love him.

Why would anyone love someone like him?

He noticed those looks everyone gave him, those looks of repugnance and disappointment. He merely wants to overlook all the harassments. He envies his mother for ignoring it, for leaving him, how can she take her life so easily. Why can’t Kageyama do that?

“ Tobio-chan?”

He wanted to ignore the one who calls upon him; he was too tired from practice, but Kageyama knew better than that “ don’t ignore me, brat.”

Turning around, he studies Oikawa and Aoba Johsai. They seem to just finished practice, just like himself.

“ Senpai?”

Kageyama was expecting Oikawa to tease him, but he wasn't doing that. No one was joking or ignoring him. Everyone looked slightly worried. Even Kindaichi and Kunimi who hated him. What’s going on?

“ Are you feeling well?” Iwaizumi asked, breaking the awkward silence between them.

Oh, So they were concerned about his health.

“ I’m fine.”

Kageyama just wants to go away; he had enough of all those stares. He wants to go home. Kageyama prefers getting a beating from his dad then hang around Aoba Johsai. He wants to leave.

“ Obviously you’re not” Oikawa pressured, sounding annoyed and concerned: But why?

Why would anyone besides karasuno care for him? He thought that they hated him? Kageyama prefers that too, Kageyama was a hateable person. He hates himself. So why do they care?

Kageyama tried to open his mouth, to tell them to leave him alone, except, karasuno showed up. It seems that Kageyama has no luck today.

Hinata was the one who showed up first, with all smiles. Both Sugawara and Daichi trailed behind him, acting like his parents. Soon, the whole flack has shown up, even tsukishima.

Just great.

Both teams stood in silence once they saw each other, like wild animals waiting to pounce each other “ what’s going on here?” Daichi asked first, raising a brow.

“ I don’t know? Why don’t you tell me? What’s up with Tobio-chan?” Oikawa points toward to Kageyama who stood motionless. How can Kageyama escape everyone?

Slowly, each karasuno volleyball player started to take in Kageyama's appearance.

Dull eyes, pale skin, emotionless expression. It was like staring at a dead person, and it made karasuno wonder how they could they missed Kageyama's well-being.

“ Kageyama?”

The boy in question stayed silent. He was so done with this.

“ Yama Yama?”

This time, Kageyama respond. His eyes trail until they meet Hinata's “ are you tired?”

Of course, it’s always Hinata who knows everything going on with him. Hinata can fix him. He always fixed Kageyama when he felt broken.

The raven-head nods, he was slowly losing strength.

“ I’m sorry everyone, but we are going now” Hinata declared before pulling onto Kageyama's sleeve. Everyone on both teams was speechless, they wanted to say something, but couldn’t. So they all watched the duo as they slowly disappear. And Kageyama felt better as Hinata drag him away from the others. He didn’t have the strength to deal with them.

Kageyama didn’t protest when the smaller male forced him onto his bike, hopping on himself when Kageyama was safely seated. The whistling wind and Hinata tired pants were enough for Kageyama to calm down, for him to close his eyes and feel the breeze.

It didn’t take long for the duo to reach the house on the top of the hill. Hinata’s mother didn’t react when the duo announced their arrival, while Hinata's sister pounces her brother. Hinata Kouko smiles warmly at Kageyama. He couldn’t help smiling back since the Hinata family were gifted to make him smile.

“ Tobio-nii, you look tired. You should go to sleep and I’ll wake you up for dinner!” Hinata Natsu exclaims as she bounces around the taller teen.

“ Okay, I’ll sleep” Kageyama smiles weakly at Natsu toothy grin.

The three Hinata’s pressured Kageyama to enter the guest room, which was practically his. 

Kageyama slumps onto his bed and slowly slipping into his dreams. He was tired and wants to end his suffering, but he also knew that his new family still need him. So he has to die some other day.


	2. The beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time Hinata found out about kageyama’s depression.

“Everything is killing me!” Kageyama shouts. He has been having a rough day and Hinata has been bugging him about being grumpy.

“What?” Hinata eyes widen at the sudden outburst.

“You wouldn’t understand, you are always smiling. You wouldn’t understand how much pain I’m in” kageyama pulls at his hair, blinking unwanted tears away. And Hinata just continues to stare, he’d never seen kageyama look so scared before.

“I can’t smile, not like you” 

“Then tell me, please just tell me everything!” Finally Hinata reacted. He doesn’t like seeing his friend like this, he doesn’t like seeing Kageyama hurting.

“I can’t!”

“Why not!?”

“Because if I do, then you are going to leave” kageyama muttered, voice strained. He was now consistently wiping away tears that flooded his eyes. “If I told you everything then you’re going to realize that I’m a broken person, and I’m afraid of that, I don’t want you to go.”

“I’m not going anywhere! But you have to let me in!” Hinata doesn’t know what to do, he helplessly watched as kageyama began to sob.

“Let you in? Then what? are you going to fix me?!” Kageyama doesn’t even know what he was saying anymore. He was so tired.

“ Because there’s no way you can do it, I’m nothing! There’s nothing left in my heart to fix.”

Hinata growls in frustration “If there was nothing then you wouldn’t be crying! You are not broken, you’re just hurting.”

Kageyama only shook his head “ Either way, I can't do this anymore. My chest hurts too much and each day that passes, it gets harder to breathe. I can’t do this anymore!”

Kageyama has had enough.

“You can’t leave me! I still need you!” Hinata has finally reached his limit and was desperate.

Kageyama also reached his limit “No you don’t, I know you’ll be okay. You have a bright future ahead of you.”

“And so do you!”

“No, no I don’t.”

Hinata only groans at the taller male in front of him. How could he be this blind to kageyama’s suffering? “Yes you do! With me! Let’s be us!” He doesn’t want to lose kageyama.

Kageyama only stares back, still weeping “You are being unfair, you can’t do this to me! You can’t force me to stay, not when I’m like this! Not when I’m nothing!”

Kageyama doesn’t want to hurt anymore.

“Without you, I’m nothing! So please stay with me.”

“You are unfair.”


End file.
